My Worst Nightmare…

I woke in a puddle of my own sweat. My comforter which is usually too warm was freezing, drenched and I was peeling it from my body. OH it was awful. Despite the discomfort & cold I was too scared to lift the comforter from my head. I hid under the blanket & grabbed my blackberry. I typed everything I remembered from this nightmare so I could remember just how terrifying it was. There were MC’s copying one another until nothing had it’s own soul, the beats were thin & synthy and the 808 snare fills were sharp with a flanger effect to magnify the horror. I saw beautiful young females who had hit records, and couldn’t even hit a note without autotune. Some of these young girls were already made famous by pop culture before they adventured into music careers. A few of them blew football players on youporn, some were bleach blonde, burnt & balemic. The men that accompanied them were also tabloid prostitutes that were huge MMA fans, and shaved their entire bodies. I am trembling just recalling this brutal nightmare… let me continue. There were A&R’s who took no chances by scouting out new talent. They were waiting for the next star to appear by way of twitter followers which made the grueling task of doing their job extremely safe. The radio stations played the same songs over and over and if that weren’t enough… they had a clone radio station which simply copied the other’s playlist!!! I am shaking as I type. Eerily, the radio personalities all had the same voices, used similar phrases & ultimately shared the same point of view on every subject under the sun! The listeners were no better. They said “pause” & “no homo” in every sentence until I really started to believe they were in denial of, or hiding their raging homosexuality. It was brutal… I tossed and turned & the nightmare continued. Emcees who are just starting their careers thought they were too skilled to buy production from those who would only broaden the horizons of their fan base. Dj’s thought every artist was obligated to give them drops & exclusive freestyles. Producers who weren’t paying for features had the balls to ask Mc’s who were nice enough to do the verse gratis, to re-lay their verses. I heard the echo’s of distorted keyboard bass in the distance, and I saw all the chains… the size 10 multi-team fitteds… the tight jeans with wallet chains hanging off the tips of their anuses. In the morning it all seemed to be over. As I downed my first cup of coffee, I signed onto twitter, then facebook, then the slowly dying myspace. My eyes scanned the friends lists, the requests, the comments and it dawned on me… “He was there… so was he… she was there… wait wait…so were YOU!… OH MY!!!… I don’t believe we’re in kansas anymore…”. Just then, Rod Serling from the twilight zone walked out of my closet with a film crew.. He stopped about 5 feet from me and said this….. “Sometimes we cannot tell the difference between our nightmares and reality.” He took a long puff of his stoge and continued, “Just when you think it was all your wild imagination manifesting your worst fears into your subconscious theatre… you may then have a frightening realization… you may have just entered the twilight zone…” Then the music played, and it was actually a lot hotter in person… you had to be there.